The Santa-Hole

On Monday the kids and I auditioned for Rosetown Playhouse’s The Ultimate Santa. Everyone who auditioned was required to sing a non-religious Christmas song. I sang what I call the “Hula Hoop” song, made famous by the Chipmunks. Maybe it’s really called “Christmas Time is Here” or something.

Then we had to present a one-minute monologue answering one of these questions:

1. Where does Santa really live?

2. How did reindeer learn to fly?

3. What happened the year Santa got pneumonia?

I choose the first, and presented a short monologue about Santa living in our hearts, in a "Santa-Hole". The idea was based on the theory of the God-shaped hole that I first read of in James Lileks' Bleat. (Alas, can't find link to original Bleat.)

I did it without notes – but here is what I prepared ahead of time. I stuck to the text (mostly) but as often happens in those instances you get off message and have to just go with it.

Where does Santa really live?

Santa lives in the hearts of each and every one of us.

You may not know this, but we are all born with a little “Santa-Hole”. In fact, about 1/16 of our heart space is allotted for Santa. Most of us fill that space with the joy of Christmas, gift-giving, merry-making, and so on.

Unfortunately that hole grows smaller as we age.

But sometimes events conspire to turn back the normal aging, Santa-Hole shrinking process. Of course the most famous example of this was the Grinch who stole Christmas.

Technically speaking his Santa-Hole didn’t grow – instead his entire heart grew, thus increasing the size of his Santa-Hole in proportion. But – same result –larger Santa-Hole, more joy and giving for the Who’s down in Whoville.

But I’m not the Grinch.

What can I do to stop the normal Santa-Hole shrinking process brought on by aging?

Well, absent a Grinch-like change of life the rest of can only hope to keep our Santa-Holes from shrinking by following this advice: Eat right, get plenty of exercise, and never stop loving the gift of giving, the true spirit of Christmas.

Of course the third part of the audition was the dreaded dance which seemed easier this year – though I won’t kid myself. I won’t be amongst the featured dancers.

Good news this morning: Call-backs tonight the Dude and I. Not certain about Maria yet – she had a number of conflicts


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